Sunday, 7 January 2018

Was it my Fault?

In January, it is usually all about new beginnings and happy things. For me however, it's also a time to reflect on the past. One thing that has been in the back on my head for the past few days is the lost friendships of my past.

At the age of 27, I have had many a friendship. Some have lasted for years and years, some have appeared over the last few years and have become deep and meaningful very quickly. Other friendships have gone by too quickly and I lost touch with people. When I think of the friendships I have lost, I have began to wonder....Was it my fault?

The two areas of my life where the majority of my friendships were lost were University and the start of my blog, two major parts of my life I think you'll agree. In both situations I gained some really good friendships with people, like minded people with similar areas of knowledge, tastes or hobbies and whilst we were all in the moment all was amazing, I had people who had my back when times were hard and people who reminded me everything was ok even when they weren't. On top of that I had people I could make plans with, to go shopping with and to just shoot the breeze with over a cuppa, a pint or some chips.

However, in both situations as the time the moment ended (university finishing or people stopping blogging themselves) got nearer and hit us, the friendship began to fade. Looking back at all of this a few years later, I've began to feel like it was all my fault. Could I have done more?

Could I have messaged more? Tried to arrange to get together for drinks or a meal? Would things have been different if I had? I know it takes two to tango or in this case keep a friendship going however...was it all down to me that I don't have the same circle of friends that I had five or so years ago? Is it my fault I'm now spending so much of my time alone and on a computer instead of making memories with the people that knew me so well? Or is it just that the universe had those people near me at that time before sending us back to the way we were before it all happened? 

I just don't know.

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