January 2021

 Well thank goodness that that is all over. What a month that was. It had everything, from more snow to a rediscovery of the benefits of the outside for me. 

For me January is always the month I find the trickiest as it is cold, dark and dull. Mixed in with this that it is anniversary month of a very special lady's passing as well as her birthday month, it's often something I dread each year. On top of this, this year it is also the passing of another month of Lockdown in the UK and although there is new hope that " normality" will return, it is another month at home.

January 2021 for me was not a good one, it felt like everything was against me and I gave up the fight. I became reclusive, my appetite for food and life disappeared and I spent most of my days in the beginning of the month in bed. 

The thing people say is to talk to someone, anyone. A friend,  a family member, anyone. The problem for me is that I didn't want to, I avoided texts and WhatsApp messages and only emerged from my room to occasionally get a drink or a small snack. The one thing that helped me though is my youtube channel. I know this is funny to say but because I record myself so often for vlogs, instead of talking to anyone "physical" I talked to my camera. To get what you are thinking about out into the world is helpful and the best thing about recording myself is that I can always delete the footage or it can be kept. 

When I post my Weekly Vlogs, it is a way of socialising which to me has been a great help during this third lockdown, which I think we can all agree has been the toughest of the lot. Filming, editing and publishing my content has given me something to concentrate on and for that I have been eternally grateful.

Another thing that has helped me this month is the great outdoors, yes it still exists. Over the past few weeks I have been endeavouring to take a stroll around my village for a daily walk. Every weekday at around 3pm I leave my house, wrapped up in my bright yellow bobble hat, leopard print scarf, my warmest coat and my wellies and take a look around the roads and fields around me with a good podcast or music playlist in my ears. It takes me  out of my own head for a while and gets some fresh air in my lungs.  

February is a coming and I'm going forth into the new month, with positivity and goals. Who cares if it is the month of love and relationships, this year it will be year of self love, self care and self reflection. The only presents received will be from me, no cards will arrive on my door mat but let's be honest no cards normally arrive anyway. 

My walks will hopefully continue, I will hopefully be more present online and with the friends I love and have ignored in the past month, I see a light at the end of a still very long and scary tunnel but it's still there and it is the hope we all must hold onto for a little while longer.


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